feeling like a little kid in love again
“Of course, you’re going to get your heart broken. And it isn’t just going to happen once, but a lot. That’s just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you’ll be a stronger person because of it. Then one day someone will come along, and it’ll all pay off and no one will ever break your heart again.”
I found this quote maybe three weeks ago and i fell in love with it. I love it even more now because I realized how true it is! Not even a week or so ago, I was telling one of my friends that I would never fall in love again, or give any man that much of an emotional hold on me. I rejected everyone my way and made sure to find a flaw in them that I could I just hold onto and use it against them. My heart was teared, to completely broke, and then I thought it disintegrated. We… turns out, it’s still there, fully functional and running. Turns out I met someone who quickly brought out the butterflies I had deep in my stomach, the genuine smiles that I haven’t shown in a while, and a hope that I thought was washed away by the amount of tears I’ve shed. I’m even listening to love songs and not crying about it anymore. I am happy, excited and nervous. A breath a fresh air out of my hectic life and schedule. It’s funny because I was purposely filling every gap in my schedule so I couldn’t have time to meet anyone, think about anything… I was isolating myself completely. In the little free time I had, I met someone who makes me feel like a little girl who has a crush and kicks the boy in the shins.
For all those who are heart-broken: YOU DO HEAL! It takes a long time, but one day you’ll wake up happy and alive again. Everything the quote about says is true. Someone will sweep you off your feet, and you’ll never be heartbroken again. 
when it seems everyone is against you…
people come and go in our lives, some will stick around longer than others but the best ones are those who don’t lie, who don’t envy you but join in your happiness. a friendship is made from the simplest form of trust and then grows into a never breaking relationship that fills your day with joy and originality. the day you need an invitation to be present with those people; you walk away and make your own plans with someone new. the day you need to plead for someone’s time; you step back and realize they’re not worth it. the day a person, whether they are a boyfriend, girlfriend, friend or sibling makes you cry and make you feel like nothing; you wipe those tears off your face and laugh,laugh at how you will be happy no matter what… laugh at the stupidity those people will commit and you will never do. laugh at the fact that you wasted your time with these people, people who do not deserve the joy and kindness you bring to the world
because at the end of your life time, someone will be pleading for your time,but it’ll be too late for them, because finally you will have found that friend, person, who truly appreciates you for who you are and show you off to the world
A Real Dream.
Man, I remember this sunrise perfectly. I headed to Atlantic City with this guy I was falling head over heels for. We went in my car, and drove the three miles to Atlantic City to meet up with the rest of the gang. I met some awesome people there, and made new friends. Everyone was drinking and just having a good time. The guy (we’re going to name him David) and me acted almost like a couple… so cute. I would sit on his lap, and he would have his arm around me. He held my hand and we did a bit of scandalous behavior. Twice. Haha, but man, he made me feel real special. We sat by the huge windows and watched the sun come up… and then I panicked because I had two finals that same day!!! 3 hour drive back to a test! Haha, I know… Crazy and what was I thinking but it was worth it. I had the time of my life there… and I got to witness this beautiful site and now I can share it with you guys! I called this a real dream because… I dreamed of something so disgustingly romantic, and it became real life, but only for that night. He then proceeded to becoming an asshole… as all guys. But let’s not ruin this sweet blog with negativity. =]
Hey insecure, psycho ex/girlfriends !
I know what it is like to feel so insecure about a relationship. Rule #1: If you’re potential boyfriend is still hung up on their exgirls, i.e., always talking about them, still on their phone as “baby”, talks every night etc etc. RUN AWAY. TURN AROUND. STOP. Men can be so dumb sometimes and oblivious! They may or may not have any “relationship interest” in their ex, but they should know that we’re not happy that you’re talking about your ex girlfriend. Don’t even tell me who your ex-girlfriends are because what do I care? They are in the past and lets leave them there. Be friends now but don’t go out of your way to express they are your ex. I had an insane jealousy problem and to this day I blame my ex-boyfriend. He should not have gone on and on about his ex-girlfriend. About how beautiful she was and so on. (That’s why I mention rule #1, because I SHOULD HAVE RAN AWAY!) but I didn’t. Any way, since then I should have known the relationship would never be stable. We were happy… no doubt about it but I never gave him the 100% trust he deserved. I felt that if she were to give him the opportunity again, that he would take it. And that was engraved in my mind. They were friends, maybe even best friends and I could not stand it. It came to the point where he would hide her from me and lie to me. His reasoning was because he didn’t want to fight about nothing and even though his intentions were good… It seemed to me he was cheating or hiding a secret romance or something. Man, I ruined the relationship by being psychotic. I really did but hey, he shouldn’t have came into my life still in love with her. I was 15! Still trying to find out who I am and then I find out his ex is this gorgeous, aspiring model. Yeah.. I was a bit intimidated. We were together almost 5 years, and it isn’t until now that I understand that a relationship is built on a foundation of trust. If there is no trust, then there will never be a stable relationship. Ladies, just like you have your male friends, they will have their female friends and always will. If you expect your boyfriend to trust you, you need to trust them… And we really can’t hold anything against them until they either confess or we see it. I lost a promising relationship because I didn’t deal with it the right way, and trust me… there will always be a girl close or far that will come into his life that could be a threat, almost like a storm, but thats when you stand tall and keep a smile on and hope that the relationship thus far has been built off a strong foundation. Even though you have prepared for weeks for this storm, your home will never survive if it was not built right.
I used to blame my ex-boyfriend’s ex- girlfriend (woah) for feeling the way I did but it really wasn’t her fault. Her intentions were good, she wanted to be friends with me too. She made the effort to clear the air and I just didn’t bite. I broke up with my boyfriend at some point and I found out that he and his ex were talking again, like talking, talking… man, I was PISSED.. and I remember screaming and yelling “I KNEW IT” but I knew nothing… I had broken up with him. I broke his heart, who am I to say anything now? He can do what he wants, but I felt very disrespected and betrayed ESPECIALLY by her because she knew exactly how I felt about her and him being friends, She knew exactly how much trouble her existence meant to me. Or at least I thought she knew… maybe she did, maybe she didn’t.
Well he and I eventually got back together but it was just downhill from there. I guess my jealousy just progessed but with like every woman he spoke to. Hahaha, I don’t know why I thought he wanted every girl he saw… but I was just crazy and very insecure with myself.
Do I think my ex-boyfriend cheated on me? In all honesty (and through clenched teeth) no. He didn’t. I know he didn’t. He loved me very much… he just had a lot of female friends and I wasn’t mature enough to understand they were only friends who could have been my friends. He definitely could have things differently when it came to his female friends but we all make mistakes.
It’s crazy cause now, I’ve been put in the same exact situation except now… I’m the friend of the boyfriend… and his girlfriend hates my existence. When I’ve done nothing wrong or at least that is how I truly feel.
From a person with experience, and who actually has been on both sides of the rope… Trust him. Honestly, that is the agreement when you enter a relationship. It’s the same in Judicial court: Innocent until proven guilty. If they are coming back home to you everyday, and they tell you they love you and treat you right.. don’t ruin it by your insecurities, your fears. They will have friends that are female because they need them! How else will they know to get you the best gifts, lol. Girl’s are not as evil and vicious as they seem.
We sometimes are just misunderstood.
hahaha, mia awhile. WOOPS
Yeah so I haven’t been writing. I got lazy, but I am BACK. I temporarily deactivated my Facebook today. TOO MUCH DRAMA. It’s horrible, besides I feel I do too much “stalking” of people’s uninteresting lives. Well today was very uneventful. Woke up, cleaned… went to some stupid Ambulance Wash Down or something, got a bit of lecturing from the Ambulance Corp, I volunteer at, Then I was furious about that guy who acts like my fucking father. I simply CAN NOT STAND HIM. Then I went to buy scrubs and watched Ghost Whisperer. My friend got me ADDICTED! And curious if ghosts really exist. Crazy, but that would be so cool. Tomorrow I have 8 hours of fucking school. And people wonder why I am always tired in a bad mood… BECAUSE I NEVER FINISH SCHOOL. And probably won’t for another 8 years.
So today I spoke to my sister about my high school days. I got into 3 fights in high school. One my Freshmen year, One my Sophomore year, One my Junior, and almost one my Senior year. I apparently give off this bad vibes to girls cause they always hate me. ALWAYS. I guess because they just don’t understand me? My personality and what not. In high school, I apparently looked like a bitch, and I was told this bluntly in high school, and I guess I just always ignored it because honestly, I really did not care. So whilst switching classes, I’ll walk to my next class making everyone invisible, and just look forward. I didn’t care who was doing what, if it doesn’t affect me then I really could give two shits. I don’t know why but girls swore I was flirting with their boyfriends, giving them dirty looks and I’m just thinking to myself, umm are you serious? I had a boyfriend all through high school and I was content with him… No I did not want your ugly boyfriend who had no promising future. I was grabbed by the hair my freshmen year and thrown down the stairs by this girl. We fought hard… but I guess everyone knew I didn’t start it because she got suspended for a week and I was let go with a slap on a wrist. Well the following year, I guess this girl thought I was talking shit about her cause ewe fought again. She runs up yelling at me in my face and I start laughing. Man, that was a mistake. NEVER LAUGH WHEN SOMEONE IS YELLING AT YOU. She grabbed me and just started with the typical female scratching and pulling. She got expelled … I was let go. Woot Woot. Then Junior year, I actually don’t remember much of it cause it was minor I guess. It was more of a verbal fight? When I tried to walk away she grabbed my arm and I just shoved her into a locker. From that moment on, I really was considered a bitch. I don’t get it… I really am a sweetheart! If you’re my friend and I truly care about you.. I’ll drop everything to help you out. But my face has been getting me in trouble haha. I let off bad vibeees! But those fighting days are behind me. I have not gotten in a “fist fight” because I looked at someone wrong since then… But I still look like a bitch… apparently. WHAT FUN. =]
Ya tu Sabesss
For those who don’t know what that means… “you already know”. And the reason I say this in spanish is because… its more fun to say.. and I’m hispanic, btw. Today was boring. Work from 11:30 to 6PM. Disucssed with my co-workers the Jersey Shore, and Boob Jobs! Haha, I want boobs but I refuse to flush out 5 grand. I can do a thousand other things with that money than to “falsify” my body. Anyway, I’ve been reading the book I’ve mentioned before, “Act like a lady, think like a man” by Steve Harvey. And WOW, what an eye opener. Let me summarize what I’ve read so far:
According to Stevie:
1: Men only need 3 things.Support. Loyalty. and SEX
2. If woman don’t set standards, then they’ll just be another “sports fish” . Basically, men like standards– so get some! don’t be easy, or he’ll throw you away as quickly as you let him “in”.
3. Don’t go to men with gossip, or venting. Men go into “fix-it” mode and that’s it. They will not keep going on about things. For example, women gossiping to each other will keep going, and going, and going. (i am no different). Men will just be like… “don’t wear the shirt anymore” if the issue was the lady saw someone else with the same shirt. (you know what I mean). And it makes sense– I guess.
4. Men show love differently. They do it by professing (introducing you as “girlfriend” “my lady” etc.) Providing and Protecting. He shows those 3 things… he loves you
5… well I haven’t finished but i feel like i’m getting an in sight in the male mnd >:] mwahaha. Going to use these tools in future encounters. Not that I’m looking after. After the sexy, PLAYER I dealt with… im good being single, independent and heartbroken-less. What good is a boy who makes you feel like shit!
Ladies out there: I want to share something with you that I didn’t realize until now.After being played, used and being stupid. YOU CAN BE WITHOUT A MAN. Not forever– i think, but those Friday nights… cuddle up with a bear, pig out and watch the saddest most romantic movie. Or just paint, listen to music, shop at the mall. I love going to the movies by myself.. I can laugh out loud, FOCUS on the movie. I can paint my nails while watching WHATEVER show I want. Its nice. On a quiet evening, its just me, myself and I. Try it sometime.
nothing.
there is nothing to be said on a boring… rainy… day. In fact, tell me your thoughts. What did you do today?
When you are the one driving EVERYONE.
I guess because I was the first one to get my license and a damn car, I’m the one who needs to drive the world, be the designated driver, be the one to always offer a ride and hope someone says, “No, I got it”. NEVER HAPPENS. I know these people have cars, or at least a license. JACK A FUCKING CAR AND DRIVE. I literally drove EVERYWHERE in the past 2 days. Last night, like I said in my previous blog, I went to Pacha. I drove to the birthday girl’s house, and drove us to the bus stop AND drove HER FRIEND NOT MINE, to his house. with a smile. Now… mind you… SHE HAS A CAR. She brags about her $500 dresses, and her $200 dollar shoes, mommy and daddy give her EVERYTHING yet it is assumed that i’m driving her -_-. I can’t deal with this shit. I didn’t say anything cause obviously it was her birthday but I had to drive her friend!? Who I didn’t know or even talk to, to WEST BUMBLEFUCK. I am pissed. TODAY, I drove all the way to Rutgers, then to Sandy hook, back to Rutgers (Getting lost a million times) back to my town, to the Hookah Lounge, LOST AGAIN… Home…. :’(, No one gave me gas money… sigh. I love my best friend to death… I really do and I gladly will take her anywhere especially on her birthday…but my miles are outrageous. I’ve had my car for only 2 YEARS. and the miles are close to 24,000. That may not seem a lot… BUT MY POOR CAR!!! and it’s been like this for way to long. I’m going to lie to the world now and say my car got stolen or something and I cant drive. Someone can take my drunk as home one night. Someone can drive me to the beach and back. SOMEONE CAN BE AS PISSED AS ME ONE DAY BECAUSE THEY DROVE MY ASS AROUND AND I DIDNT OFFER TO PAY. I know… maybe i’m being over dramatic.. or for those who can relate to me and feel abused for having a band spanking new car, I feel your pain. I hate it. Ugh.. I spent over 100 bucks these past two evenings. A lot of fun but I’m done. lol. Good night.
Pacha.
Oh I can’t express how much fun I had last night. I went to the New York City with a couple of my girls for my friend’s birthday!! WOO! Danced all night, simply amazing. For those who don’t know what Pacha is, it’s a dance club, 3 floors, various bars. There’s like the normal music on the top floor (“with words” I like to call it, AKA “Pachita”), second floor is mostly chilling area, grab drinks, make out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, use the bathroom, and then we have the bottom level: FIST PUMPING MUSIC. The Jersey way, haha. I was there most of the night, jumping around, shaking my hair. Met these two GORGEOUS German guys. But the difficulty understanding their German accent killed me. My friend and I walked away. Well folks, the festivities have not ended. Heading to the beach now, either Belmar or Sandy Hook and then Habibi’s tonight! Celebrating my best friend’s birthday She’s finally turning 20! As I turn 21 -_-. Anyone know a good and responsible website to get a fake ID? MY GIRL NEEDS IT!!! Thanks
